"birth story"

Let me preface this blog post with an explanation. I wrote this the evening following my Dad's retirement lunch. It helped ease me into the changes I was fixin' to face, I had an outlet. I realized how badly I needed to express what I was feeling. I thought a chapter was ending, but I was wrong. I realized once I wrote this, that I had more to say. I imagine that my readers may have something to say as well, so say it. I have a space to throw these feelings and thoughts and I want you to throw yours back. (Also, do you guys like how it is titled birth story? Doesn't it seem like every lifestyle blog has one of those these days? Well here's my birth story..sortof. It's simple. I wrote this because I couldn't contain it anymore. I feel like these stories matter, the questions, the experiences, the memories..they matter.)


Sometimes I feel like I'm the Army's daughter, in addition to being my parent's little girl. I've learned about every bright light the Army will bring you and dark corner it'll push you in. The Army will never go easy on you. But it'll make you strong and brave and it'll give you the most precise understanding of teamwork.

My dad was born to be a soldier. My parents worked together tirelessly through the good times and bad times, strengthening each other and others along the way. They worked alongside one another testing their limits and always trying their best. Army is gonna tell you that your parents are your rock and your siblings are your world. But it's gonna give you other people too, they're all gonna teach you.

You'll discover the logic of policy and the brutality of paperwork. The army is gonna cause you to have flashbacks for eternity you'll see a face and swear you know them from somewhere, and chances are you might could. It'll change the way you cross the street and shake a hand. It'll also teach you to say things like, "no it never gets easier", and "yeah but goodbye isn't forever". 

Single parenting is not ideal but it's necessary and that's what has to happen when a parent needs to step up, they step up all the time. My dad will tell you he was gone a lot, he'll say it outloud, say it proud too and it won't hurt my feelings. I won't even say that it's not like he didn't want to be gone, because he did. I was just continually aware that he needed to be places. And my momma was always there, constantly picking up the slack and tripling her workload. 

You'll learn that dedication is powerful and honor is a choice. In the Army, people will compliment you sincerely and look you in the eye while they do, and you'll do the same. The good ones will. Be a good one. 

You'll know the elements intimately especially when you're expected to live through a furlough with no mercy regarding AC. I'll always be awestruck and weepy at airports and I won't even explain why. You might say or laugh at the term 'Merica cause it's trendy and cool but it'll make you cringe when you hear it referred to like that because it's the United States of America or America and I don't think I need to explain that further. It'll agressively strike a nerve when you hear it like that even if you don't admit it. It's just America.

You'll think a crossfitter lifting a heavy ass weight is nice but you'll be impressed and smile when you see a troop in BDU's carrying their duty sacks filled to the cap on a late June day in 80% humidity after traveling for 26 hours. You'll hear stories that you cannot shake, for instance your dad calling ahead to secure a sponsor and them saying, "we're expectin three of ya on the same day and I can't assign a sponsor cause I dunno where you're going, whichever one of you arrives here first; he's going to the most fucked up place in the desert". Your dad will arrive first. I don't know that my dad will ever forget to remove his cap when he walks indoors, it's his first instinct even if he's wearing his Kings Roping hat he reaches right up for it until he remembers that's it's not his uniform piece and places it back on his head. 

Someday you'll be in an assembly and the principal will say .. "Alright I'd like to recognize the students that will be PCS'ing this summer please stand". Half the gymnasium will stand, and "give yourself a round of applause and please represent OUR community well in your next endeavor .." That will rattle your core in a good way. Your phone will ring and you'll bolt out of alegebra when your teacher is mid sentence, your teacher will come screaming after you but you'll be running out the hall trying to get outside where there's better reception so you can hear your dad who's thousands of miles away in a desert. You'll get detention and you'll take it because that phone call was everything you needed. You'll also get a 51% on the homework assignment for that night because you didn't take notes. And you're not stupid for it. The army will make you decide if you wanna do your homework and the readings assigned that evening or if you want to spend the day doing nothing with your family cause your dad has been gone for too many days. 

Your friends will probably passionately tell you how negatively they feel about war and President Bush and guns and you'll sit there and tell them you're just waiting for peace the day that your dad gets to call and tell on an unsecure line in code from the desert what day he might be coming back. He's going to have you take your birthday and minus the the first number of our garage code from Pringle Way in Carolina and then minus seven and then plus the number of pets we've had and then add his very favorite number. All so that the opposing side won't find out the plans of his unit. Your head will hurt some but you'll laugh at yourself getting a piece of paper out tryin to work out the riddle. 

The army will teach you that there are some things that you don't talk about no matter how much praise or acclaim it might award you, most of your significant army life moments will remain quiet and private and very close to you. 

You'll be lucky if you get to experience the jump tower, a pen that can write for a mile, and you'll be luckiest if your bus sings/shouts and screams cadences on the way to school. 

Sharp reminded me how much civilians look up to the military how much they want to emulate the soldiers and heros of our land, especially when it comes to respecting one another. Army doesn't want you to hate another country, ever, it wants you to hate greed and hate hate; it wants you to choose right. You'll learn that kindness and truth are a powerful ally. You'll see ugly, recognize it well, and you'll speak up when you KNOW someone possesses it. Even when no one will listen to you but your family, you'll stand behind your judgment strong and no matter what you'll hope fervently that they change. 

The people you encounter don't work in a prestigious laboratory and they aren't the CEO of some major company but they are likely some of the most gifted unrecognized minds in this world. They probably also say things like we choosed that might could y'all right quick fixin' but I assure you they are point blank genius.

Army might let your teachers gawk at you with pity when you've moved once again in the middle of a semester, theyll sigh about you being way behind and they'll hate the extra work they'll choose defeat first. Army's gonna give you some mentors, some educational angels that'll glory at their opportunity to teach and help a fellow human being. Some of your teachers will want success for you so badly it'll consume them with service they'll exhaust themselves with the extra mile and believe in your dreams. 

Army changes your prayers too, you'll be special mentioning your folks (who aren't even your folks) nightly. Army's gonna humble you straight to your knees but also build your confidence tremendously, it'll toughen you up and protect you fierce. You'll spend a lot of time praying your guts out and log some serious hours crying. The Army is going to urge you to make the most out of everything and it'll dangle adventure in front of you and you'll have no choice but to be spontaneous and take it . You'll be glad you did. 

Coming across someone who will make you America/Italy cupcakes Carolina BBQ snowcones and an airplane care package (amidst the busiest summer of their life) will help you acknowledge that life's challenges and chances are completely worth it. At age twenty two, you might be shocked that you're dating a boy you met at age fourteen in a town you only lived in for ten short months. Does that even happen? 
You're never gonna forget the Vespa rides, the 30ft Jesus, the concentration camp, peanuts in a coke a cola, lovebugs, deer burgers, hot air balloons, green chile, the accents, the neighborhoods, and mozzarella di bufala ever. 
But don't forget the army is gonna break your heart over and over, it's inevitable and unavoidable. It'll tell you to live in a hotel for 3 months and fill your suitcase and keep your phone close and loud. 

Sacrifice will be a constant. You'll crap yourself when you hear the word son, no matter what. Sure the Army is respectable and classy but it's not a stranger to the f word, and I'll never see anything wrong with that. The Army has a lot of storms. Big ones. Heavy ones. Long ones. You'd shudder at ceremonies because these communities will say your full name with conviction, they do their best to make every person count. 
The Army isn't goin to teach you how to not shatter when you hear the pledge, the national anthem, revelry and retreat, nor will you be able breathe at a funeral. But the army will let love and family enthrall you, it will actually astound you with your own capacity for love. There might not be anything you love more than the uniform because it's a familiar symbol of safety..it's home, it's shelter, and when you don't have a home.. a simple pair of combat boots can start to look like your home. 

People's stories will become your own because that's how it is, you're gonna hear troops talking and you won't ever forget their voice or their haircut (cause they're all the same). You'll be at a significant event, a run to remember, and before it begins you'll hear some troops whisper "are we going to sing the national anthem this time" and another will say "I can't today I won't be able to I'm gonna listen quietly for my brothers I need some silence for this one I need to remember for minute" -you'll think the army and his pals in heaven should be proud of him and you'll be grateful to be in his presence. Your heart will race when you see a flag and it'll jump up and down everytime your dad comes through the door home for work because you'll always remember that some of your friends weren't that lucky. You'll know people that others will not have the opportunity to know anymore they'll be gone but not gone.

The concept of home is bewildering to you, the Army will drill into your mind that home is where the Army sends you, and the Army is your hometown. It'll tell you that so many times that you'll be dumbfounded when someone asks your where you're from. It'll tick you off when you tell someone that you're an Army kid and so everywhere is your home, you'll wanna laugh in their face when they say "uh okay but where are you from." Like all due respect and all but please shut up. Be all you can be and ARMYSTRONG are going too mean too much to you and a buddy poppy is a bar of gold. Army is some of America's best you can count on that. You're gonna move, you'll feel the tug of 'don't go' while also feeling the weight of your responsibilities in your new place. At the gym you won't find guys sweating hard to look sick wakeboardin', you'll find folks sweating hard cause they goin' to war. The look on their face is different by nine million trillion percent. They're slinging weights so they can carry the weight of their brothers. "00:01:35 We're going to war. We're going to war" - if you know anything about the 173rd, there's not a day that'll ever go by that you won't think about that quote. Affeas, exchange, shoppette, DFAC, beer store, PCS, TDY, JFC, support site, BX, PX, and NEX those are all goin to be as familiar as your last name. Army's gonna make ya believe in somethin' whether that be your brother, battle buddy, your spouse, the Lord, your country or yourself. (usually it's a combination of all of that) You're gonna believe. My dad says that getting out of the army is pure hell, it is because it doesn't ever happen. Lifer means lifer. I know I'm heaping a ton of credit towards the Army when most of this is a result of Christlike parents, I can never recognize them enough. And a whole chunk of this I learned from people full of the most good kind of love. But go army anyways. Cheers to my sweet American dream. Hooah y'all, Godspeed til we meet again.