Sunday, December 14, 2014

A frustrated "Brat"



(Very important disclaimer: only because there's a possibility I will be asked if I have read the book. I don't want to hide anything, I am unashamed to speak on this matter having not even read the book yet. Maybe you're thinking that is ignorant, if so understand I am not trying to be ignorant I just refuse to monetarily benefit this book and I really don't respect it enough to go seek it out in a library. However, I have put generous effort in researching this book behind the scenes and gathering multiple views etc. If this bothers you, you go read the book and then tell me about it, lend it to me even. I would have no problem with that. My family and many of my friends have just decided not to buy this book, I hope you understand!)

Another disclaimer- I began researching this book a few weeks ago. There was an official site for the book. Thelittlechamps.org. The official link was http://www.harmonyhearth.com/CHAMPS.html (Official website "TheLittleChamps.org") Was. It no longer exists. Might have something to do with USAA's forum board's furious posts from long-time customers, or could be tied to the reason why the youtube song disabled comments for the video. This is the only site available for this book now. Tells a slightly different story for this project that they have started, the learning aspect is much more prevalent than the judge-y angle they had on the site. I don't know, decide for yourself.

Let me make a public service announcement to the Fink's, once something is on the internet it cannot be erased, and you cannot rewind and pretend like sentences weren't on your page, and interviews did not happen. If you want to continue to stand behind your book, do so with your webpage back on web, so the public can see what you intended for this book to do and be. This photo taken off of Amazon.com where the book can be purchased shows the website that used to be available on the back cover.




The cover-up the backpedaling.. backtracking speech.
Finksss.....cmon. We see right through you and your public official statements.

Admit, you were out of your league... we understand. It's hard to go up against a brat.

It would suffice to say, my parents should have named me Brat.
(I will be capitalizing Brat for this post, and all further posts to address the military child)
If you knew me on a personal level, you would agree.


Does anyone recall my blogpost about my Military Brat Award, given to me at my Dad's retirement ceremony? I said I was proud of it, right?

On Thearmysdaughter Facebook page, in the about section, it reads, "I'm the Army's Daughter, an Army Brat blogger whose heart bleeds red, white, and blue". I define myself as a Brat, thereby making it okay for the general public to refer to me in that way. Truthfully, I prefer to be called a Brat by other Brats, or people within the community because they know the extent and history of what it means. I think the public uses it as an opportunity to call me a brat (the negative connotation), which I usually deserve, but inside the community it is an endearing complimentary term. Naturally, I would prefer the complimentary version. As a seasoned brat, I can differentiate between the two uses, and I know when I am being offended or complimented.


This introduction leads me into the controversial topic surrounding the children's book, "The Little C.H.A.M.P.s - Child Heros Attached to Military Personnel" written by Jennifer and Debbie Fink, illustrated by former service member Walter Blackwell. On paper, the Fink women appear impressive,  college degrees, Jennifer volunteers at the Vet Hospital etc. and that's lovely, yes.. serving those who serve you. Wonderful balance. Again on paper, they sound good, but I would never say they are qualified enough to produce a book about military children. Not in this lifetime at least. And probably not on this planet.




The following paragraphs are located on the About the Author section available on Amazon.com .
The "About the Author" section ends with the last sentence of Walter Blackwell's blurb.

The review section on Amazon.com includes a positive plug endorsing their product. The book has recieved one star on their rating system. Comments about the book are generally negative. 359 comments are posted on the Amazon page for this book, with several subcomments in response.

On November 5, 2014, Nancy Newton wrote, "the american definition of BRAT it means Bold, Respectful, adaptive and tolerant".
On November 6, 2014, C.M. Johnson titled his post, "What a nincompoop!!!" and then included this solilquoy in his comment, "Brats to the bone!"
On November 5, 2014, dj titled his post, "BRATS ARE MILITARY KIDS, Champs is about the author", then within the post made this remark that I liked, "Who came up with Champs? Never heard of it and it does not describe any of my BRAT experiences."
"About the Author
JENNIFER FINK
Jen studies Public Health and Military Studies at the University of Maryland; and is passionate about assisting wounded Servicemembers, Veterans, and their families. She has interned for the American Red Cross Service to the Armed Forces and for Operation Homefront. Jen received The President s Volunteer Service Award and the Red Cross Youth Volunteer of the Year Award at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. She motivates college students to give back to military families through her nonprofit Operation CHAMPS (OperationChamps.org).

DEBBIE FINK, MA
Debbie is an author, educator, and performer who has written numerous books and scripts. Her books, workshops, and performances reach readers and audiences globally. Debbie has had the honor of touring overseas with the USO for her project Operation Thanksgiving Eagle / OTE (OperationThanksgivingEagle.com), thanking Champs for the daily sacrifices they make on behalf of our freedom. She also runs the Mom of Many Hats global health initiative (MomOfManyHats.com), helping families cope with a cancer diagnosis.
WALTER BLACKWELL
Walter is a U.S. Navy Veteran and former President/CEO of the National Veterans Business Development Corporation (TVC). Career highlights include private industry, international business and nonprofit arenas. A graduate of Washington University, he has authored and illustrated children s books and one-man plays, and currently is launching a personal cloud platform start-up."




Army Brat - Air Force Brat - Marine Corp Brat
 Navy Brat- Coast Guard Brat 

I looked to Wikipedia to help me define the term "Military Brat", it is difficult to explain something that always was.

Overall, I really like this particular sentence, "one of America's oldest and yet least well-known and invisible subcultures." I'm pleased to know that this sentence was said, and then quoted on Wikipedia. Which is why I have a huge frustration towards the mother daughter authors of this book, they clearly indicate that the proceeds of this book, wait.. a 'portion' of the proceeds of this book go toward the many supporters( supporters refers to the myriad of corporations or organizations that have teamed up  in distribution) of the book, only if bought directly from Harmony Hearth. I have to assume that these two individuals are capitalizing on the military dependents, my frustration stems from the idea that they are not even a part of that community. They have to be personally collecting from the revenue of this production. They are possibly collecting profit while offending the community they are gaining profit off of. Because the community, the military Brat culture, is offended. This is a manipulation that I don't want to be subject to, they have paired it with a Public Health and Education Initiative, a variety of sponsors including endorsements from psychiatrists, and they've even tacked a catchy song to the project. I'm shuddering, this doesn't sit right with me. Deeming the term military Brat, as politically incorrect just doesn't seem like the fight the military Brats need. It may appear that they are on our side, but it doesn't feel that way. Reintroducing us to the public as C.H.A.M.P.s may drum up some attention, as many politically correct subjects do, but it doesn't feel honest, champs is not what we are. Calling us something brand new doesn't make us feel any less invisible.



There's a certain air of grit that accompanies the word Brat, it suggests resilience, and stubbornness. All important attributes in the life of any military dependent. How would it sound if a military wife said, " I have five 'little champs', opposed to "I have five Brats". I never felt like a champion, a military kid hardly ever wins like a little champion, they fight. They fight like a brat, sometimes they fight loud, and sometimes they fight quietly. I think it's important to note that Brats aren't perfect, they roll their eyes at their parents when asked to move all the library boxes from the living room to the office for the fiftieth time that day. "What's the gosh dang point, we are moving out of this house in about fourteen months anyway." We forget that our parents exhaust their brains and backs trying to create a normal homey environment for us, even if we don't appreciate it, even if we are the work mules moving the couch fourteen times to try and help make that normal homey environment. Brats cry when their parents tell them they have to move after a month into their freshman year, "But what about homecoming, can't we leave after homecoming at least?" We can't. We whine, we cry, we drag our feet, but we do it. We get to throw our tantrums before we face another transition, but then we face that transition. Then we come out on top, just like our parents insisted we would while we were deep into our hissy fit (or conniption fit, if you're from North Carolina). And if you asked me today how sad I am over missing homecoming at Highland High School, I would keel over laughing HARD. Five, six years ago, it was tear worthy. Somehow my parents knew that it didn't matter that much, or that it eventually wouldn't matter that much. We are bratty Brats, at some points we are teenagers, and other times we are expected to act grown-up. We have our bad days. The term Brats, allows us that, the full disclosure of having a moment, where we bundle our fists, grit our teeth and just be ticked for a moment. Our lives are full of change already, don't throw another one our way for the sake of a book deal. Don't educate kids to replace Brat with Champs, educate kids that Brat can mean two different things. You'll discover that most military kids already know that.


One of my friends responded via private message to the link I posted about this book on Facebook, he said, "I'm not a hero, I didn't ever have the choice, this is life." This made me well up, he then sent me about fifteen memes ridiculing (in the name of humor) the people who are behind this initiative. Colorful language was not excluded. Summed up, he felt miffed, and questioned if maybe the whole thing was supposed to be a hilarious joke, he was like "okay Finks, who are ya'll". We aren't suggesting that they are bad people or even that they didn't have good intentions, they simply missed the boat. They can claim that they did their research, and utilized the military community to build this book but the bottom line is it's inconclusive. Personally, I'm puzzled. I'm curious what military kids they talked to? None that I talk to would be proud of how they represented us.





"We got the book to about 90% and then had the wisdom to send it out far and wide out to the military world, we sent it out to every branch of the military a whole array of professions from enlisted service men and woman to base commanders psychologist psychiatrist educators and every military connected organization that we have allied with." Just go ahead and say, it's 100% all me Mrs. Fink, giving the military kind of barely a halfhearted 10% mention that you preface with " I had the wisdom to ask them" is pointless. Claim alllllllllll that fame Ma'am, we military people don't want your measly 10% recognition.


The comment made on their site (and then made in interviews) in reference to separating from the British.
"The word “brat” actually comes from the British Empire, an acronym that stood for British Regiment Attached Traveler. Debbie Fink says it’s time to let go of tradition, though, and embrace the term she came up with — which is just coincidentally in a book she and her daughter wrote together.
“We declared our independence 236 years ago and it’s about time our Little C.H.A.M.P.S did the same. There’s no need to give them a label that may add to their already challenging situation. Why not call them what they are? Little C.H.A.M.P.S!”
-wise words from the Finks.
- Exact quote found on Rare.us http://rare.us/story/authors-write-a-book-to-change-the-term-military-brat-to-little-c-h-a-m-p-s/

Ugh. Patriotism is a beauty, I condone it on every level, but come on.
Did anyone else witness Kate Middleton of the British Royal family weep at Ground Zero during her latest visit to New York. The news was all over that moment, and I am grateful for that. Because yes, we love our allegiant pledge to our America the beautiful but that doesn't mean we dislike other nations. Heck, I went to school with British students, Canadian students, Italian students, people from other countries are my family, I can't really get too bugged that brat was derived as a British term. Do we need to dump on every word, thing or idea from a country besides our own, yikes... what will be left of America? Every country has borrowed or built from each other and that is a beautiful component of mankind. Can't get too hung up on the idea that Brat is a british thing, french fries are a French thing. Finks, how 'bout you try and tell America that those are outdated. (Don't, because I will be further offended, I'm nothing without the occasion Large Mcdonald's fry)

I started writing this post weeks ago, after I heard that this book was being distributed to children on the Vicenza Caserma Ederle Army Base located in Vicenza, Italy. I immediately reacted harshly. The more I researched the reaction the more I heard opinions start to echo, in a resounding "Heck No!". This is a postive thing, I believe, it's amazing how many of us Brats feel the same way concerning this. I've never been so impressed by all the people who have spoken up and publicly denounced this book. There's a fire behind their words that has shed a bright light on how it really is, and the Brats are not afraid to explain WHY we don't want anything to do with this project or the word Champ.
The Operation Champs Facebook page is riddled with comments, both for and against the literature and the charity. The whole project seems ungenuine. They've started a free babysitting service to military members and their families, the service is provided by volunteer college students. This portion of the project is something I believe in, a service for service. These babysitters show up to the homes they are sitting with The Little C.H.A.M.P.s book, armed and ready to tackle on the job of babysitting the dependants of the troops. They do not need that book. I think this arrangement was careful crafting, I think that all of this, the charity, the book, the touring dates were intended to upset the military public. I think they wanted to get attention and get people talking about the book so that everyone knew about it, and more people bought it. What's that saying, "no press is bad press"? Just like the new Beyonce music video, people in head wraps rioting (Fox news is comparing it to Fergueson and ISIS), the public and news channels are displeased with the message it's sending, but the point is, people are talking about her, and her video.
I guess you could say that I'm falling victim to the trap right now, by writing about this book.
There are many ways to serve the Military without getting attention, or praise and acclaim. The Finks seem to have made this more about them, than the people they are talking about. My hope is that they stop promoting the book, the other part of me wants to say, let's burn the books. But I believe in civil discourse and burning the books would be more spiteful than neccesary. An apology would suffice, and then I can't promise I won't gag whenever I see this book...
The official statement released on the Operation Champs website
"Operation CHAMPS Defends Itself Against False Criticisms
BETHESDA, MD, November 24, 2014 – Operation CHAMPS, a nonprofit organization that provides free babysitting services to families of wounded warriors and other military and veteran families, defended itself today against a spate of harsh, unfair and incorrect assertions on social media that Operation CHAMPS was trying to supplant or undercut the widely used term BRATS to describe the children of military and veteran families.

“CHAMP” stands for Child Heroes Attached to Military Personnel. The acronym was coined in the popular children’s book The Little CHAMPS, which extols the virtues of military life and spotlights challenges children face in military families. Sales of The Little CHAMPSbook help cover the costs of programs, training and overhead of the nonprofit organization Operation CHAMPS. (www.operationchamps.org).

In recent weeks, Operation CHAMPS’ Facebook pages, Twitter and email accounts have been barraged by accusations that Operation CHAMPS was trying to substitute “CHAMPS” for the widely used term “BRATS” in public discourse as a way to describe the children of those who serve in the United States military.  Jennifer Fink, CEO of Operation CHAMPS, called those assertions “unfounded, uninformed and untrue.”

“The members of Operation CHAMPS understand that many children of military and veteran families proudly call themselves BRATS.  We also understand that many people in the civilian and military-connected communities see the term brat in a less favorable light,” Fink added. “Neither the book, The Little CHAMPS, nor the organization it supports, Operation CHAMPS, intend in any way to replace BRATS as a term in wide usage or to demean the term in the minds of the public or the people who proudly call themselves military BRATS.  The acronym CHAMPS in no way rejects or denigrates the term BRATS.  Operation CHAMPS exists to provide necessary support and gratitude for military-connected children and their families.”

The response is unbelievable, the USO and USAA are two corporations that supported this book, they've felt the brunt of the upset. USAA's Facebook page and official website have been posted on regarding this matter, and it's actually overwhelming in a good way. The comments I've seen have reminded me that the community truly is a family, and we fight for eachother.
This was taken off the USAA's forum page. These are posts that signify some of the responses that can be found on the web.
Additional endorsements are mentioned under the "Statement of Support".



"samaldenRegular Visitor
USAA members on Facebook who are also the children of current or former servicemembers may recognize this as a currently controversial topic.  A mother-daughter duo (Deborah and Jennifer Fink) - who have no military connections of their own, by heritage, service or marriage - have written a book (in the title of this post) and formed a non-profit organization (more on that later) held out to be for the benefit of military children.  The group has received the endorsement of Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden (neither one a military child).  A current tour by Deb Fink to installations in the Far East, including Korea and Japan, has been endorsed or sponsored by groups such as the USO and USAA.  Programs presented to military children as "edu-tainment" (their word, not mine) are best characterized, in my opinion, as smarmy and condescending - akin to awarding trophies for mere participation - conferring the status of "special" on ordinary children.  (There are few military children who misuse the word "hero" as has become common.  When it is used, it refers to the family's servicemember/s - not the children.)

Among the stated goals of this organization is to replace the "objectionable" or "offensive" term "Brats" with "C.H.A.M.P.S" - Child Heroes Attached to Military Personnel.  This comes as a great surprise to many military Brats who have worked for years for military children and families - and whose input was solicited and then claimed as their own by the Finks. Furthermore, the use of CHAMPS in this context has been copyrighted by the parent company of Operation Little CHAMPS - meaning that any use of it is subject to whatever service charges may be part of its legal structure.  NONE of it goes directly towards military children or families, and is hardly "non-profit."  

My Dad was a career Army officer, and from 1946-1966 I was a proud Army Brat, living in the US and overseas, moving multiple times and attending a score of schools.  At that point, I became military myself.  In my own career - spanning from 1966-2012 with two retirements - I raised three Army Brats of my own.  My older son, who retired this past summer after 24 years in the Army, along with his wife, is raising four more Army Brats.  None of us, from me through my grandchildren, would think of referring to ourselves as anything but Brats.

Among four of us - my father, my two sons and me - we have nearly 100 years of membership in USAA.  I am appalled that USAA would support or endorse any enterprise, non-profit or otherwise, that would seek to undermine the strong, determined, resilient and adaptive culture that is that of military BRATS.  We are proud of the identity, status and name, and need no outsider to "fix" it for us, especially by slapping such a ridiculously PC acronym on us to make it all better.

Please, USAA, reconsider your association with or sponsorship/endorsement of this organization.

Sharon L. Stanley-Alden
LTC, USA (Ret.)"
"GeneMoserFrequent Visitor
I have to agree.  We - the children of the military are military brats.  USAA needs to support legitimate brat organizations.  Contact me for a list. "

"Cheeta05Regular Visitor
Last year I contacted USAA and asked if you would support "The BratPin."  The "BratPin" is an initiative to recognize and honor Military Brats for their sacrifices and service to our nation.  (Once I recover my investment, the whole shootin' match will be handed over to The Museum of American Military Families to provide services for militay kids.)

The BratPin was created by Military Brats after legislation introduced to the Congress of the United States sat 'in committee' for over three and a half years.  (The bill, HR 1889: Children of Military Service Members Commemorative Lapel Pin Act - "they have a problem with the term "Brats" also)  is just a 6-page, double-spaced bill.  When I was doing a You Tube video to promote the bill, the civilian interviewer asked, "Three and a half years, isn't this a bit disrespectful to our military kids?"  So, like a typical Brat, I decided to go it alone.
When USAA decided they weren't going to support the BratPin I asked if they would at least feature the initiative in their printed and/or on line magazine.  Again, no interest.  So, I let it go...And now I see where they have a 2-part article on the C.H.A.M.P.S. organization in their Family Matters magazine.  And now I know why we do not have the suppport from USAA.  We have been known as "Brats" for years, upon years - and most of us have not even given it a second thought.  It IS a trerm of endearment to us.  I have lost friends from my childhood.  I have lost schools, homes and two bases (Chambley AFB, France and Ramey AFB, Puerto Rico).  And now, with your support of C.H.A.M.P.S. you, USAA, want to take my identity, as a Brat?  
NO!
And, by the way, without your support or endorsement, over $38,000 of BratPin products have sold in this, our first year - primarily through Facebook, and word-of-mouth.  I began the venture last September with 2 items, the BratPin, and a BratPin pendant.  Today we offer over 70 items!  Brats are PROUD of being Brats! 

Robert F. Holliker Jr.
Lt. Col./USAF (Ret.)
USAA Valued Member since 1967, as you keep telling me
AIR FORCE BRAT! "

Rae Shue Blalack posted on the Operation Champs website this comment. 
"And believe it or not, there are BRATs who KNOW firsthand the debilitating effects of TBIs, PTSD, and various other injuries BETTER than Ms. Fink. Some of us ACTUALLY suffer from them.

I really am unsure how to feel about this. To shut down because you face opposition shows lack of character. I don't know them personally, but this says a lot about them. If they cared so much about the BRATs, why not open a dialogue with those of us who ACTUALLY LIVED the life rather than pack up? Guess this generation of BRATs isn't that important to them...at least that's what this implies.

BRATs are not broken nor a charity case. I am disheartened by any fellow BRATs personally attacking the Finks. It is completely UN-BRAT like.
They should reach out and change CHAMPs to Civilians Helping All Military Personnel (not my idea...but I can't remember who coined that).

This was NEVER about the services that were provided; it was about hijacking a culture...a life...an identity they don't know about."

To wrap up this whole debacle...

The Finks insist that this project is about bridging the gap between cultures, but they are already off on the wrong foot, which guarantees a failure because their grounds are not correct to begin with. I really tried to understand this project and be positive about some part of what they are doing, but I'm stuggling. The connection is just not being made for me, I just feel disrespected. I'm pleased that this culture hasn't kept quiet. These comments and posts have touched my heart, what a way to represent who we really are. The gratitude I have for those who have vocalized their feelings is incredible, I'm inspired by my fellow brats. Maybe the context of this endeavor was to get it attention and get us to comment on every interview, youtube, news report, or whatever,but the point is we decided to not be invisible. I'd say feathers have been ruffled, disabling comments, and the official statement release along with removing the original website are the first step to a surrender in my book. 

The Brats want to be seen and we desperately want to be heard. We are saying, "We Are Brats". Look us in the eyes and call us Champs, I dare ya.
Share your comments, I'm so intrigued by this topic and would love to know how others feel, military or non military. 




Additional resources on this book.


https://communities.usaa.com/t5/Military-Family-Matters/BRATS-vs-quot-Little-C-H-A-M-P-S-quot/m-p/50662#M175


http://www.uso.org/little-champs-book-helps-military-families/#dsq-new-post

http://www.amazon.com/The-Little-C-H-A-M-P-S-Attached-Personnel/dp/0967887151

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thfaLCl7AXQ

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

If your Dad is in the Army...

If your dad is in the Army...
You've probably driven cross country multiple times in your lifetime.
If your dad is in the Army..
You've probably flown across the country often, incessantly, tons..and too much.

The miles just keep racking up. Here is your how-to survive your 180 days around the world (at least that's what it sometimes feels like as a military kid, going around and around the world in limited timeframes.. because there is always an expiration day and a ticket/ car to take you away somewhere else). There is a lot of travel over the span of your parent's military careers and usually beyond that, if that military travel bug takes a bite outta you.

Here are my tricks of the trade, especially with the holidays quickly approaching, travel is about to kick back up in full force for a lot of folks. Not just of the military variety. Here's a thing or two you don't want to fly without..

HA.
This is a spiff. I'm not a trendy blog, I don't have a neat and tidy list of bizarre items that you want to keep on hand "in case". Travel is not flawless, get that fact straight in your mind and you're gold. Like, those bloggers that just insist you need some spray can bottle of Evian to keep your skin hydrated during a long flight.  I think you're an expert as long as you managed to keep track of your passport, military I.D. card, and your debit card. And if you remembered to punch in your Delta frequent flyer miles for your flight, then you are absolutely THE travel guru in my book.


Okay, so here is my saving grace, my little dose of love, and my supreme dirty little secret for flying' across the globe...







Yes Coke-a-Cola and Peanuts.
Learn it. Live it. Love it.
And bless your heart North Cackalacky for this wealth of knowledge regarding livin' right.
Livin' right means there's peanuts in your Coke-a-Cola. Livin' right means you fly or drive while sipping' on this heavenly concoction. Sip onnnnnn brats. (And civilians too because this good is meant to be shared)





Monday, November 17, 2014

11.11.14

The past several days (weeks) have been a blur. My favorite holiday (second only to July 4th) came and went, followed by Veterans Day. I count the 8th of November as a National holiday. Break the mold, disturb the norm and decide for yourself what days matter to you is what I say. I don't even need school and work off to respect that day, I feel it coming every year. I'll admit, I'm still listening to the "8th of November" by Big and Rich once a day.
That's a given though, if your heart raced like mine during that song, you would listen to it often as well. Let's switch over to Veterans Day though, wow! The coverage of that 24 hour period was strong, and inspiring. I was able to take a break from focusing on regular news coverage and remember my American heritage, reflect on the idea that a group of people came together and built a nation. And then defended it ever since.
I was delighted by the kind words regarding Veterans and our nation, the support/recognition spanned many networks and medias. I appreciate seeing and hearing others proudly boast about their military affiliated family members and friends. It happens to be a day that I feel normal for a second, like everyone else is just like me, loving the Armed Forces with all the love in them.

It was a big day for Thearmysdaughter, this blog received some recognition as well. My dad and I were asked to appear on the live show TalkingPoint (associated with the network Southern Utah LIVE).

I'm hoping everyone noticed the italicized live, live shows deserve three hundred "oh brothers" and about ninety "oh shoots". Did anyone's palms start to sweat for me when they read live show? My sympathies go out to all who appear on television in any degree. The behind the scenes, preparation, and sheer brilliance required are nothing short of incredible. Nothing. Weatherman you are my hero. Among others. The life in front of the camera is rough, and I only endured it for an hour. Send me to boot camp, I would much rather face an eternity of push-ups. I'm exaggerating, it was not torture. However, it was not anything like what I imagined it would be, and I cannot stop myself from blurting out great ideas, or points to make after the fact. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. That does not mean that I am not proud of the production, what a piece, I am honored to have been a part of it. Those involved should pat themselves on the back or at the very least drive over to Mcdonalds and devour a large fry.

My dad and I are not particularly fond of attention, we are also over-preparers. So you can imagine the chaos going on in our minds as we try to paint the best picture we can and do justice to a great show. A show that went above and behind and did their homework, their dialogue and guest speakers (soldiers phoned in via Skype) were phenomenal. I don't even know if the hosts realized how comfortable and uncomfortable they made me feel with the presence of soldiers, on one hand I was nostalgic and deeply missing my comfort zone of soldiers all around and on the other it felt like the majority of my life, as routine and regular as it gets. Good Morning America should be envious, the professionalism exhibited on the set really fit well with the topics. First things first, like the show's Facebook page, its guaranteed to hit the hammer on the nail for you at one point or another. And if it doesn't, ask it to. You won't be sorry, being a part of this show was one of the best things I have ever done, and following it has benefited me in countless ways.And it falls right in with my idea of community and participation, get out there show up, even if it means answering the hard questions on a live show. I think my brain has grown, and without a doubt my heart as well.
The link for the page is https://www.facebook.com/TalkingPointSUL/info?tab=page_info .

The link for the live show featuring myself and my dad, and a glimpse or two of my younger sister is http://southernutahlive.com/video/view/Talking-Point-ep-3-2014-11-11.  I was certain that I would show up to my college campus swarmed by people seeking my autograph, no such luck. Yet. Hahah okay, laugh because that was a joke.
This particular show in it's entirety was about communication, TALK. That's what this blog is for, and really, soldiers don't ever endure alone. Create bonds where you feel comfortable and safe to discuss with someone. Pick a person. I'm so proud of all the service members who have voiced their needs and sought comfort. I love humanizing our soldiers, I think it's one of the ways we stand out as a country, be human, feel because you are entitled to that, we all are. Whether you support our military, in war-time or instances of peace, I urge people to recognize when others are struggling and point them in the right direction. I believe in brotherhood and sisterhood. I believe in our Veterans and I believe in our civilians. Jennifer Kohler commented on the show about practicing simple gestures and the importance of outreach. I think she understands that it surpasses simple, love isn't simple. It's huge. Heed her advice phone a friend, ya'll.

Here is an iphone quality photo taken by my momma, as she watched the live show on Veterans Day, watch for yourself to get a idea of what we discussed.


Monday, November 10, 2014

On the 8th of November..

When I introduce myself to people the appropriate thing to say would be,

"Hi, I'm Bette Pauling, and I love the 173rd."

I should start doing that. Because it's true, and I know it will always be true.

The 173rd is a unit in the United States of America's Army, they are airborne which means they jump out of airplanes. This brigade was created in 1917, for any history nut out there, just think of the good this particular unit provides. I'm talking some real nice Vietnam rich history. I mean, the first living African American Medal of Honor recipient was in the 173rd. Does that give it some historical credibility? I know the educational systems insist that everyone run in the opposite direction of Wikipedia, but I say spend a second on there and get the rundown on the 1 7 3.
You'll learn why they are nicknamed "The Rock" and why the insignia is as it is.

You'll learn that the Taiwanese called the 173rd, "Sky Soldiers", an appropriate nickname. I don't say "Sky Soldiers" like a regular person, I say it just like the 173rd. When said outloud, it sounds like one word, SKYSOLDIERS! It is said strongly with conviction, respect and on post in Italy, you'll hear it echo. For an outsider, it would seem strange, but hearing a troop blurt out SKYSOLDIER in line at Taco Bell is absolutely normal for me.

Life has a way ya'll, it's impossible to predict what is going to stick. Maybe I'll always be tied to the hospitality of the South, or love the urban feel of a big city like Albuquerque. Maybe my accent will reflect the many many years in North Carolina, or maybe I'll sound like I'm from Alaska. I don't always know what I am going to take away from a place or person, or ,more importantly, what I am going to fall in love with.

That makes me a hard to follow inconsistant mess.

So for no specific reason, I fell hard for the 173rd.
There were units before 173, and there were units after.
Unexplainably, my roots wrapped themselves around the 173rd.
I'm wildly obsessed with the history of this brigade and in lew of that, have celebrated the eighth of November for years. I believe it is no accident that it falls so closely to Veteran's Day.

Watch this video of a song that is a tribute to the 173rd, written and produced by the singing country duo Big and Rich.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozpdBvB0hek




Here is a link to the documentary of Big and Rich and Niles Harris returning to Vietnam.
It's fifty minutes of footage you will never forget.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw_UJwwI_Is



Usually, when someone asks me why I love the 8th of November so much I say, "it's an important day to my dad, so it matters to me". That's true. It's not the whole truth, but that's the easy way to put it.
My boyfriend heard me say once that fourth of July and November 8th were my two favorite days.
He put it in his calender on his iphone, reading "Bette's Favorite Day", so this past weekend when November 8th rolled in, he said "Okay, so what's with this day." I immediately responded with it's my  Dad's favorite day, but that's not true. I remember years ago, after my dad had deployed with the 173rd and the song 8th of November by Big and Rich came out, singing my heart out with my dad. I even watched the making of the video and become obessed with the song for no apparent reason. It's possible younger Bette had a clue back then that I would move to Vicenza and fall in love with the 173rd for myself. It's not my dad's favorite day anymore, it's mine.




The 173rd is stationed in Vicenza, Italy on a U.S Army base called Caserma Ederele. They care about November eight, they usually hold a run in honor and remembrance of the men who perished that day. Last year, my parents were still stationed in Vicenza, my dad was not assigned to that particular unit anymore but every military kid knows that once you've been in a unit, you're family and tied for life. My siblings and I got an email November 8th 2013 from my dad, it read
"Girls, 
I'm heading out soon to start the "Running of the Herd" that is going on at Del Din to commemorate the first major battle in Vietnam where 48 Sky Soldiers lost their lives. The run started at 1000 this morning and will go for 24 hours with teams keeping their "bayonets" on the course for the whole period. I plan on showing up after work and running for as long as my legs will carry me. Remember to keep that song in your heart tomorrow and take a walk around the block to join in with me.
              Loveyoumuch!
               dad "



^That's a former 173rd paratrooper for ya'll.
Every November 8th think of this song, I know I always will.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
 (John 15:13)


Monday, October 20, 2014

thearmysdaughter

Time to break down Thearmysdaughter.
Being a daughter is an absolute honor, I regard it as an important core in my life. It's unchanging. I will always be a daughter. I identify with daughter tremendously and on many different levels. Naturally, I steered this endeavor in that direction and ran with it. Sprinted actually, legs and arms flailing, because not only was I born a daughter I was also born lerpy and lanky. But really, my arms stretched out flailing towards this project as if I was trying to scare the crud out of it, before it scared me.

I know who I am, always have.

I'm the product of my parents. At the same time, I am the product of military propaganda. The pro military conditioning has never taken a break, resulting in an effective and even ideal military brat. Hallelujah. I'm cool with that, the part that makes that okay is how soberingly aware I am of it. Even so, I recognize that I choose to love the Army despite it's ups and downs. I've worked through all the nitty gritty, seamlessly arriving to my father's retirement with scarce grumbles (but five hundred thousand headaches). All the while, I believed I was the luckiest that ever lived. Which brings me back to my mom and dad, they are straight up the air that I breathe. No question, think the big huge sigh of relief gust that reminds you how alive you are. That air. Their hand in my life has been vital to my existence. So, I'm their girl through and through.

But.

I'm the Army's too.

You know that saying it takes a village to raise a child? YES.
That's exactly how the Army worked for me. Places and people, units and plane rides, all of it had a significant part in raising me, in addition to my parents. These forces showed me love, taught me something, or supported me one way or another. Unconventional is my normal, people became pseudo aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I also watched my parents embrace and love other Army folk. The idea of community is the most perplexing concept, and I know that my understanding of community is not like many of my peers. I feel like I've overcome something with the people in my military communities, like we have some sort of secret code or private handshake known only within our group.
Being a daughter, to me, means that you participate. You show up to your community functions, you ask people how they are doing, you generate interest and care by being interested and caring. It may seem strange that the woman at the Shoppette could be so important to me, but one of the most inspired lessons I have learned in my life is that everyone has a story, a purpose and something to offer, even if they do just sell you a 79 cent hotdog from the Shoppette a couple times a week.

I'm close knit with my family, but that is not where it begins and ends. I have a widespread range of people I include under that category of family. They're my people, they contributed during my growing years and on. They are my mentors, my maestros, my second moms, etc, and I am more to them than just a student, I know it. I'm their daughter.

The result of this upbringing is a girl who belongs to herself, but acknowledges all the forces that brought her to owning herself. My mom, my dad, my family, and the Army.

This is to pay tribute to people for loving me for free, and to hopefully inspire people to become active in their community, matter to someone. Go to the local football game even if you don't know a single player, get to know the gas station clerk closest to your home. Keep your circle big.

I'm talking about bringing See's candy to the Italian transportation office workers for booking your ticket home, and doing you the huge favor of not making you fly into Paris, France. (My least favorite airport in existence) I'm talking about running in every single 5k that the Morale Family Welfare department puts on. I'm talking about walking the long way to the PX so that you can walk past the salon so that Judy can run out and give you a hug. Show up, be there, let them love you and love them back.


I'm a daughter, I'm my parents daughter, I'm the Army's daughter. Who are you?

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

How do you DFAC..

There are two questions I like to ask my fellow military community. One of them is specific to the actual members of the military ( I'll save it for another day, one at a time), the other is free range. It is open to anyone who has ever had a DFAC experience.

How do you DFAC?
Dining Facility
Chow Hall
Mess Hall
Single Soldier Cafeteria

It all boils down to FOOD, we are talking about food.
The DFAC is the dining facility on a military institution. It's heaven. I know some people think mess hall and begin gagging, don't. Why would the military go and refer to somewhere as a mess hall? That's counterproductive if you ask me.

I cherish the mess hall. Most recently, I've frequented the DFAC located in Vicenza, Italy ( the United States has a US Army post in Northern Italy), my dad was stationed in Italy three times in the past ten years. However, I've been familiar with the DFAC all my life. My adolescence was full of DFAC breakfast, and DFAC major holiday meals.
In my household, the question wasn't what grandparents are we spending this holiday with. My dad was always adamant, he expected my family to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas meals there. Why?

1) It was gourmet.
2) Served as a gift to my Momma, who single parented half the time. It meant no grocery shopping, no meal preparations, and most importantly no dishes. This allowed for us to optimize our time together not worrying about the stresses that accompany creating holiday meals.
3) Created a family atmosphere for the soldiers stuck on base for the holidays and far from their own families.

If we ever lived in an area that did not have an established DFAC, or if we didn't attend the holiday meal that didn't matter. I still felt like I was in the DFAC, my parents always opened up our home for the members of the military that were unable to go home. Sometimes it was divorcees, older guys, really young soldiers, entire families preparing to move, or people in town on business.

My mom eventually had to learn how to procure a holiday meal, now that my dad is retired, we are getting ready to celebrate holiday meals in a more traditional way. I'll always miss sitting among hundreds of military men and women shoveling down mashed potatoes, that will be my vision of Thanksgiving.

I want to explain the DFAC thoroughly. One of my friends does it more effectively. This past summer my sister and I DFAC'ed before the gym and one day we met up with a fellow military brat. He graduated from the high school on post and enlisted in the US Air Force. One DFAC morning he arrived before my sister and I did, when we sat down at his table my sister and I exchanged glances. We inspected his tray (rude huh!) and then we asked. How do you DFAC Michael Weston? He smiled huge, we talked about DFAC-ing for hours. Later, on the basketball courts in the gym, we still were talking about the DFAC. We wanted to return, and double dip that day. A two meal DFAC day! (Those were the best kind of days)

A few weeks later Michael returned to his base and prepared to deploy, not before he wrote up a long article. It's more like a long love letter to the DFAC, I bust my gut laughing when I even think about it. This article was inspired by my sister and I's question, I love what transpired.

How to “DFAC”, inspired by true facts and real life experiences!
By: Michael Weston


“How do you “DFAC”?” A question asked to me by two of the best sisters I have ever met. When asked this question I realized I was not the only DFAC lover in this world and there were many more just like me, which made me happy. What is “DFAC” you may be asking? Firstly, if you are asking this question I am not sure how we are even friends but its ok I can explain. “DFAC” is short for Dining Facility AKA Chow Hall AKA Mess Hall. These are all terms that describe the military ran facility that provides three to four meals a day to all military members and civilians if they so desire to eat amongst the troops. This facility is open 365 days out of the year and closes for nothing other than an unsanitary problem that may cause concern for the wellbeing of the troops and all other DFAC customers. The Chow Hall is hated by many, loved by few but accepted by everyone. The question, “What about the DFAC?” is always an acceptable question that warrants just as much consideration as saying, “You guys want to go get khebabs?”

The DFAC is a science really, it can be defined as a food establishment but in reality it’s the driving force that provides energy to troops to operate on and an option for civilians to come and get a bang for their buck. When you think Mess Hall think of the “gas station” for Soldiers, Airmen, Seamen and Marines, they come fill their tanks up and then go fight a war or at least prepare to. It isn’t that simple though, different branches of the military “DFAC” differently (DFAC is now also a verb by the way). The Army puts an overall price on the entire meal; you will pay that price and eat as much as you want. The Air Force itemizes everything and charges you for every little piece of food you get, not so cool, I know. Where in the Army you could feed an Army for $2.25 during breakfast hours in the Air Force that same meal may cost about $8.25, I didn’t make the rules. All Junior Enlisted military members that are not married and live in the barracks or “dorms” (Air Force word of the day) will have an amount of their Basic Allowance for Substance taken away from their pay check so they can eat as much as they want from the Chow Hall every month. The higher military leaders fear that the lower enlisted will not be able to manage their money properly to buy food, this way they know the young troops have a place to eat and there are no questions about it. All other military personnel such as NCOs and Officers or any military member that is married or lives off base will be required to pay for their meal as well as any civilian, contractor or dependent.

Now that you know the basics let me educate you on the standard operating procedures for the DFAC in a non-deployed environment. At “home station” the Chow Hall is not a mandatory place for military members to eat but it is pretty convenient and you will certainly be full once you leave. There are a set of very clear rules outlined at the entrance usually they will state the DFAC’s policies. These rules usually include not wearing a hat inside, washing your hands, not wearing sleeveless shirts or provocative clothing, not coming in sweaty and disgusting, not touching your face or head while in line and the unwritten rule that not many follow, FINISH ALL YOUR FOOD! In an Army Mess Hall you will pay the surcharge at the front desk and then go through the buffet style dining facility. In the Air Force you will pay after you have all the food you want to eat (The Army is better at this DFAC thing obviously). There are usually two lines in every Mess Hall, Fast Food or not Fast Food. The Fast Food line usually consist of a grill, burgers, fries and anything that can give you a quick heart burn, when you are burning 5,000 calories or sweating about a gallon a day you don’t really care how bad it may be. The other line is the “Main Line”, in this line you will have your main dish of the day; pork chops, grilled chicken, veal parmesan, maybe even a steak. Your sides will also be in this line; broccoli, carrots, corn, rice and things of that nature. Then there is the salad bar, in a good DFAC this salad bar will usually have all the things you can imagine to put on the salad, out of the 20 options you usually choose 2 or 3.

Breakfast is usually the best deal on the face of the earth, less than $3.00 for unlimited amounts of food (Army DFAC of course). Breakfast is composed of a grill option usually including omelets or eggs cooked however you want them cooked, they won’t scramble real eggs on the grill for you for some reason…Don’t ask why. Also, the omelets are made out of a liquid egg look-a-like mix that nobody asks questions about either, just eat what you get. A common omelet order is your regular ham and cheese omelet, however, some people may just be exotic or wild and just say omelet with everything. Everything usually means ham, cheese, onions, peppers and tomatoes. Then you have your common weight watchers, they won’t see the pancakes, french toast, bacon, hash browns or cinnamon cakes, these are usually your “cross fit types”. Instead, they will get 2 or 3 hardboiled eggs and some oatmeal with no sugar…So plain but as you can see there are options for everyone. The DFAC in a deployed environment isn’t much different at all other than the fact you don’t have actual plates and everything is paper and plastic. The main thing is that you don’t have anywhere else to eat so enjoy the Chow Hall or just starve, good luck going to a local Afghan village and finding a better meal.
My love for the DFAC is hard to describe but I will try and sum it all up for you. I have eaten over three thousand meals at a Mess Hall all over the world and I don’t even take a second to criticize it. Italy, Germany, Washington, Texas, Oregon, Afghanistan, England, Qatar, field kitchens in the middle of the forest, and I am still in the beginner phase. You have DFAC haters; to those people I say nothing, more food for me. My daily routine includes the word DFAC in it at least 3 times, in which one of the times I eat a meal there and take a meal for after my volleyball, basketball or track time. When I go out for dinner (once or twice a year) I feel like I am getting extremely ripped off by the world by paying over $3.00 for a small breakfast that doesn’t even fill me up. Having to tip a waitress or waiter for bringing me my food when I was good and ready to go get my own food and get up again to go get seconds if I feel I need them. When I am on vacation I look for military installations where I could possibly get my DFAC on. If I am in a location where there is no DFAC sometimes an MRE will do but other times I just need to conform to the ways of society and buy an overpriced sandwich. In the unlikely event of the Chow Hall being closed I will be looking for a commissary, where you can get a sandwich that is double the size of a Subway foot long for half the price.
I hope to have educated a group of my friends that lack the basic knowledge of the DFAC ways. To my DFAC lovers, thank you for being alive and being able to grasp the gravity and full meaning of this thing we call DFAC. To my DFAC haters, I have no words for you other than the words I just used to say I have no words for you. Time to go eat.




This photo shows Michael at the DFAC with his grandfather. I've never gone to the DFAC in Vicenza and not seen his grandfather there. He eats there everyday. I assure you he is my DFAC hero.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

And the Army....

The ceremony is complete, the retirement dinners all have been attended.
The officiant said over the microphone, my father's full name followed by the echoing

RETIRED

eery, but also relieving.


The folded flag has been placed in my dad's hands, followed by handshakes and well wishes.
And gratitude.
He hasn't put on a uniform in weeks.

It has already felt final.
I mean I've seen my dad for several weeks in a row? Weird. No early morning PT runs (oh wait, he still does that) He hasn't bolted off in full uniform to run off somewhere, I say somewhere because I never really knew where "OPSEC" (Operations Security).

So.. it's felt final. But on paper, it wasn't. My dad had leave saved up, a lot of leave saved up because he doesn't take days off. Tomorrow that leave is all used up.



Tomorrow is the day that my father officially becomes a retiree. The paperwork official date is tomorrow. 
The feeling is indescribable.
Does hollow but proud make any sense?
I'm going to disregard how he feels about it, I cannot go there. I haven't ever known my dad without the Army.
But me? How do I feel about it?

I'm in denial.


I'm already anticipating my wedding day, it's an excuse for my dad to wear his uniform. Which is how I'll always remember him. I'm always going to believe the Army needs my dad.

I'm keeping this post short and sweet so I don't boo hoo.






Guys, I'd love to rewind and do it all again. That is even more validation, Army.. I'm not through with you yet.


March along, sing our song, with the Army of the free.
Count the brave, count the true, who have fought to victory.
We're the Army and proud of our name!
We're the Army and we proudly proclaim:

First to fight for the right,
And to build the Nation's might,
And the Army Goes Rolling Along.
Proud of all we have done,
Fighting till the battle's won,
And the Army Goes Rolling Along.

Then it's Hi! Hi! Hey!
The Army's on it's way.
Count off the cadence loud and strong;
For where'er we go,
You will always know



That the Army goes rolling along......

Monday, September 29, 2014

Poetic

I am a Military Brat

" My hometown is nowhere, my friends are everywhere. I grew up with the knowledge that home is where the heart is and the family...
Mobility is my way of life. Some would wonder about roots, yet they are as deep and strong as the mighty oak. I sink them quickly, absorbing all an area offers and hopefully, giving enrichment in return.
Travel has taught me to be open. Shaking hands with the universe, I find brotherhood in all men. Farewells are never easy.Yet, even in sorrow comes strength and ability to face tomorrow with anticipation...if when we leave one place, I feel that half my world is left behind. I also know that the other half is waiting to be met.
Friendships are formed in hours and kept for decades. I will never grow up with someone, but I will mature with many. Be it inevitable that paths part, there is constant hope that they will meet again.
Love of country, respect and pride fill my being when Old Glory passes in review. When I stand to honor that flag, so also do I stand in honor of all soldiers, and most especially, to the parents whose life created mine. Because of this, I have shared in the rich heritage of Military life."

Author Unknown



I find this beautiful. It's as moving as a priceless painting.
Every line of this, reminds me of a story I could tell. That is something I appreciate, because everytime I remember a place, person, or experience, I feel like I'm winning. Or better yet, I feel like I'm doing the Army justice. It becomes difficult to keep things straight, there's always new information flowing into my brain, when I reflect on the past, it feels worth it. Comes full circle for me. I love this poem for jogging my memory every time I read it.

My favorite line is "Yet, even in sorrow comes strength and ability to face tomorrow with anticipation", I firmly believe in finding the good in a situation. That simple concept helps me face my trials, it helps remind me to live positively. I love Andy Worhol's quote, "You have to be willing to be happy about nothing", as bad as the news gets, the possibility of more war, messy politics, remind yourself to reflect on the good even if it seems trivial compared to those complicated topics^.

Secondly, I love the part that mentions establishing roots and when the author says, "absorbing all an area offers, and hopefully, giving enrichment in return." Made me nostalgic for Italia today.


Arreviderci!

Sunday, September 28, 2014

"Well she was an American girl..."

Here's some validity.
I should write legitimacy but I cannot stand when people say legit.
So no, my vocabulary ditches that word at all costs. Lemme just tell, I'm the real deal ya'll.

Two Preschools
Three Elementary Schools
Two Middle Schools
FIVE High Schools

And two universities because I just don't know how to stay put.
The five up there wasn't a typo, swear. Five High Schools in four years.
In case someone somewhere thought I was one of those two move military brats. It's hard for me to believe they exist, but they do. I'm not one of them. I wouldn't even know what that would be like. I'm saying this partly because I want everyone to know that the military has chewed me up and spit me out alittle. It does that to all of us.

BUT, thanks for the chewing and spitting. I would never want to imagine my life any other way, or without any of those moves. I needed the lessons, I needed the bravery.

I'm also bringing this all up because I want people to know more about me, and because I helped my sister move last weekend. It was like my brain was replaying ghosts of past moves. Ironically relevant considering October is upon us, a move is a guaranteed way to spook me. Moving was on my brain this week, I figured now would be a good time to say, " I've moved, a lot."

So for this post, the facts are..
A) I've moved a crap ton, I'm basically an expert military brat. Which is something they give you an actual award for. See!







(another way to exhibit some validity, and also let me show off my certificate that I'm tons fond of, anxious to hang this certificate on my wall like a proud kindergartener) My dad frames photographs and certificates, diplomas too, if you ask nicely. I'm looking forward to having him frame this to hang proudly in my home.

B) My sister moved last weekend, I can pretend I'm pro mover, capable of removing the bitter sting of being left (since this ain't my first rodeo)..but no. Moving is suck and I miss her already. Doesn't get easier, ugh.. but (siiiiiiigh) I guesssss I'm estatically pumped for her. ( see that positive note I ended with, that there is the military curse.... push on and do it with a grin )




To wrap this up, I proved my military-ness in this post and I whined some.

Anybody else a Texas-Alaska-North Carolina-New Mexico-Florida-Italy-Utah- IAN?
Or anybody else got me beat in the multiple schools attended? If so, I want to buy you a diamond house. There's not a word to explain how rough it is. Even one move, for anyonnne, warrants a billion trophies in my eyes.




Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Feedback

Lemme explain.
I wanna believe in self worth, confidence, high self esteem and all that jazz. But, in reality, I'm nothing without the people in my life. My inspiration and driving force is largely because of the wonderful, and not so wonderful folks I interact/ed with. So that brings me back to feedback, a large part of this blog is based on what I'm getting behind the scenes. Emails ya'll. And texts, and smiles, and encouragement (the ladder 'cause sometimes they can tell I really do need it, I'm human- sue me). No, but really I wanna thank the kindest lady who came up to me and told me how excited she was about this blog, and then explained her reasoning. I just kind of stared. I stumbled out a thank you..

I wanted to hug her.
I had been asked some questions about this blog that I wasn't prepared for, still I'm not. She gave me positive reinforcement that I didn't acknowledge properly.

THANK YOU. 


So then I decided that I was just a little too eager to post my previous post, and I didn't talk about the friend who sent the email enough. My DCM (initials cause even if the writer swore I could post, I wasn't ready to divulge the identity of the emailer) Okay, okay, have ya'll guessed? It's a female.
So lemme just throw out a bit more lovin's for that pep talk cheerleader.....


when has she not been my pep talk cheerleader..?


DCM
was my pal before a lot of people at my new school warmed up to me. She listened automatically on day two, when I spilled my guts about the girl who had tried to pummel me on day one (original right, pick on the new girl) She planted herself by my side instantly, always making it clear that she would have my back. It was an inner-city school, I needed someone to have my back. DCM always tugged on my ponytail during class. When we had english assignments due, she would create me a rubric and a calendar, and always volunteered to tape things for me ( I have a tape/sticker OCD that grosses me out huge). When one of our other friends had a birthday, she would go all out for them and then also bring me a small present so I wouldn't feel left out. One of my favorite things about her..


her whale song! ( don't ask, sometimes the goofy lighthearted stuff was just what the doc ordered)


..my real favorite thing about her.. hold your britches ya'll cause it's on the narcissistic side..

She noticed that I chew gum with my front teeth.
What? Okay, what did I just say?
Yeah, instead of chewing with my back molars I like to chew it with my front guys. How on earth did she notice this? She was right though. It wasn't like she was saying, " Hey b, cute pants..", that's a different kind of notice. She recognized one of my quirky habits, she had paid attention. And I hate to say it but when your dad is gone, and your mom is doing her best, having someone notice and point something out about you, it's special. Or it can be. For me, it was special. When you're a military kid sometimes it's hard to imagine friends investing time in you, and even worse you try and prevent investing in others. You start to think that'll make leaving easier. You learn, nothing makes leaving easier. You ditch the idea of surface level friendships and try and build something that lasts.

Once she had told me that little fact, I knew she was special. I knew the Army had done me right.
This isn't even close to highlighting her good and virtuous heart, I could write a library about her benevolence, but I hope you understand what I mean. A friend can go a long way. Has anyone else had a friend that did more than their fair share of friending?  Do you remember when someone just ultimate treated you like a queen, or a unicorn or something super rare? Tell me.





Bear with me, it's a cell phone quality photo from early two thousand. But here is DCM and I ( the end two on the right) in all our teenage awkwardness. Thanks for the email DCM, but thanks truly for always being a quality friend.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

D.C.M

The people along the way.
The unsung heroes who have held my hand step by step.
I struggled for a bit on whether or not I wanted to do this. I even counseled one of my professors, which may have resulted in tears. (like at least 1o seconds worth) AH. He asked why, why....WHY. I kind of got weepy, and I just thought. It's not a secret that I'm intimidated by this endeavor, it's hugely personal. But it's more than personal, its a passion. I think it's important to share your passions, that's how they grow best (in my opinion).

It's for me, and the you, and the us..for the we. I may want to unload these feelings selfishly, but unselfishly as well.  It's not just about me or my dad or my momma, its about the whole armload, truckload, and mountain load of people that were a part of this, who ARE a part of this ( this being the whole scope of military and every piece it reaches and touches). It's about the friend in my brand new school that sat behind me in health class and smiled at me every single day that my dad was gone. Without fail.

That friend, with the warm smile...she emailed me this week. She gave me permission to share the email. The personal, touching email that I cherished after reading the first sentence.



"Well, it's 11 pm on a warm September Tuesday and I've found myself reminiscing over happy times I've had in my life. God knows I've had a lot, I've been blessed with a lot, I've been given countless do-overs and opportunities for growth. But there is one thing that I am beyond grateful for. And that my dear is you. When mama told me that we were moving to Canada I was piping mad and sad and pretty defeated. But I tried to keep in mind that someone I really cared about moved all the time, and she did it with a smile on her face and so maybe I could too. And I knew it was going to suck for a while and it sure did, but I got through. I always tried to look to you, look at how you moved around constantly and kept that head high. You've been a role model to me B, and I hope you know it. I'm not sure I believe in soulmates or destiny or fate, but what I do believe in, is 'meant to be'. I believe that my mama was meant to be my mama so that she could learn patience with the brat firecracker that I am. And I believe that I was meant to be her daughter so that I could learn kindness beyond compare and humility in all that I do. Maybe my dad being a jerk is here to teach me that people disappoint but it is important to just-keep-going. I also believe that certain people come into your life and that relationship you hold with them, is meant to be. I'm happy we got to meet in 7th grade. It's funny, it's not like you ever know when you meet someone what your friendship will be like in 10/20/30 years. But I'm very happy to say that after ten years, I still hold you in the highest regards. I know I've said it before and I'll say it again; I admire the relationships you have with your family. Back in the Wilson days, I remember thinking that you were the luckiest girl to have a mother who put you all 1st, all the time. That she was always there, always, to be your advocate in any and every situation. And looking back on that now, as a grade 7/8 young girl, it is pretty remarkable that I was able to make that ascertain. But that's how wonderfully obvious it was. Your mama loved(loves) you a lot a lot a lottttt. And that made(makes) me so happy. And now with the career I have working with foster kids, I appreciate seeing loving happy families all the more. Your quick wit and wise words never cease to put a smile on my face. But...Bottom line, you, YOU Bette Pauling humble me. And I can't say many people do. And that's sad. It's sad that maybe my heart is a little hardened. But the point is, who you are is greatness. It shines out of you. It's contagious. And I am really grateful for that, for you. Basically what I'm trying to say, is that I'm glad you're you and I'm me and I'm glad that for whatever reason, we had the wonderful opportunity to meet. love you today and always. "


Guys, it's not like I didn't believe in humility before( I did), but after this I was exploding with it. Heaping piles of humility were just surrounding me. I intend to carry that humility around with me. I need to, because I'm grateful. ...for this ^ and much more.




I'm still trying to explain this blog with perfect clarity, I don't know what it is. I just have hope of what it could be. And with people voicing things like this, I get steps and inches closer to that goal.

By the way I've been told that blog posts tend to stay in the 700 word margin, dangit and shoot. I'm gonna surpass that by a thousand every time. Whoops.


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

"birth story"


Let me preface this blog post with an explanation. I wrote this the evening following my Dad's retirement lunch. It helped ease me into the changes I was fixin' to face, I had an outlet. I realized how badly I needed to express what I was feeling. I thought a chapter was ending, but I was wrong. I realized once I wrote this, that I had more to say. I imagine that my readers may have something to say as well, so say it. I have a space to throw these feelings and thoughts and I want you to throw yours back. (Also, do you guys like how it is titled birth story? Doesn't it seem like every lifestyle blog has one of those these days? Well here's my birth story..sortof. It's simple. I wrote this because I couldn't contain it anymore. I feel like these stories matter, the questions, the experiences, the memories..they matter.)


Sometimes I feel like I'm the Army's daughter, in addition to being my parent's little girl. I've learned about every bright light the Army will bring you and dark corner it'll push you in. The Army will never go easy on you. But it'll make you strong and brave and it'll give you the most precise understanding of teamwork.

My dad was born to be a soldier. My parents worked together tirelessly through the good times and bad times, strengthening each other and others along the way. They worked alongside one another testing their limits and always trying their best. Army is gonna tell you that your parents are your rock and your siblings are your world. But it's gonna give you other people too, they're all gonna teach you.

You'll discover the logic of policy and the brutality of paperwork. The army is gonna cause you to have flashbacks for eternity you'll see a face and swear you know them from somewhere, and chances are you might could. It'll change the way you cross the street and shake a hand. It'll also teach you to say things like, "no it never gets easier", and "yeah but goodbye isn't forever". 

Single parenting is not ideal but it's necessary and that's what has to happen when a parent needs to step up, they step up all the time. My dad will tell you he was gone a lot, he'll say it outloud, say it proud too and it won't hurt my feelings. I won't even say that it's not like he didn't want to be gone, because he did. I was just continually aware that he needed to be places. And my momma was always there, constantly picking up the slack and tripling her workload. 

You'll learn that dedication is powerful and honor is a choice. In the Army, people will compliment you sincerely and look you in the eye while they do, and you'll do the same. The good ones will. Be a good one. 

You'll know the elements intimately especially when you're expected to live through a furlough with no mercy regarding AC. I'll always be awestruck and weepy at airports and I won't even explain why. You might say or laugh at the term 'Merica cause it's trendy and cool but it'll make you cringe when you hear it referred to like that because it's the United States of America or America and I don't think I need to explain that further. It'll agressively strike a nerve when you hear it like that even if you don't admit it. It's just America.

You'll think a crossfitter lifting a heavy ass weight is nice but you'll be impressed and smile when you see a troop in BDU's carrying their duty sacks filled to the cap on a late June day in 80% humidity after traveling for 26 hours. You'll hear stories that you cannot shake, for instance your dad calling ahead to secure a sponsor and them saying, "we're expectin three of ya on the same day and I can't assign a sponsor cause I dunno where you're going, whichever one of you arrives here first; he's going to the most fucked up place in the desert". Your dad will arrive first. I don't know that my dad will ever forget to remove his cap when he walks indoors, it's his first instinct even if he's wearing his Kings Roping hat he reaches right up for it until he remembers that's it's not his uniform piece and places it back on his head. 

Someday you'll be in an assembly and the principal will say .. "Alright I'd like to recognize the students that will be PCS'ing this summer please stand". Half the gymnasium will stand, and "give yourself a round of applause and please represent OUR community well in your next endeavor .." That will rattle your core in a good way. Your phone will ring and you'll bolt out of alegebra when your teacher is mid sentence, your teacher will come screaming after you but you'll be running out the hall trying to get outside where there's better reception so you can hear your dad who's thousands of miles away in a desert. You'll get detention and you'll take it because that phone call was everything you needed. You'll also get a 51% on the homework assignment for that night because you didn't take notes. And you're not stupid for it. The army will make you decide if you wanna do your homework and the readings assigned that evening or if you want to spend the day doing nothing with your family cause your dad has been gone for too many days. 

Your friends will probably passionately tell you how negatively they feel about war and President Bush and guns and you'll sit there and tell them you're just waiting for peace the day that your dad gets to call and tell on an unsecure line in code from the desert what day he might be coming back. He's going to have you take your birthday and minus the the first number of our garage code from Pringle Way in Carolina and then minus seven and then plus the number of pets we've had and then add his very favorite number. All so that the opposing side won't find out the plans of his unit. Your head will hurt some but you'll laugh at yourself getting a piece of paper out tryin to work out the riddle. 

The army will teach you that there are some things that you don't talk about no matter how much praise or acclaim it might award you, most of your significant army life moments will remain quiet and private and very close to you. 

You'll be lucky if you get to experience the jump tower, a pen that can write for a mile, and you'll be luckiest if your bus sings/shouts and screams cadences on the way to school. 

Sharp reminded me how much civilians look up to the military how much they want to emulate the soldiers and heros of our land, especially when it comes to respecting one another. Army doesn't want you to hate another country, ever, it wants you to hate greed and hate hate; it wants you to choose right. You'll learn that kindness and truth are a powerful ally. You'll see ugly, recognize it well, and you'll speak up when you KNOW someone possesses it. Even when no one will listen to you but your family, you'll stand behind your judgment strong and no matter what you'll hope fervently that they change. 

The people you encounter don't work in a prestigious laboratory and they aren't the CEO of some major company but they are likely some of the most gifted unrecognized minds in this world. They probably also say things like we choosed that might could y'all right quick fixin' but I assure you they are point blank genius.

Army might let your teachers gawk at you with pity when you've moved once again in the middle of a semester, theyll sigh about you being way behind and they'll hate the extra work they'll choose defeat first. Army's gonna give you some mentors, some educational angels that'll glory at their opportunity to teach and help a fellow human being. Some of your teachers will want success for you so badly it'll consume them with service they'll exhaust themselves with the extra mile and believe in your dreams. 

Army changes your prayers too, you'll be special mentioning your folks (who aren't even your folks) nightly. Army's gonna humble you straight to your knees but also build your confidence tremendously, it'll toughen you up and protect you fierce. You'll spend a lot of time praying your guts out and log some serious hours crying. The Army is going to urge you to make the most out of everything and it'll dangle adventure in front of you and you'll have no choice but to be spontaneous and take it . You'll be glad you did. 

Coming across someone who will make you America/Italy cupcakes Carolina BBQ snowcones and an airplane care package (amidst the busiest summer of their life) will help you acknowledge that life's challenges and chances are completely worth it. At age twenty two, you might be shocked that you're dating a boy you met at age fourteen in a town you only lived in for ten short months. Does that even happen? 
You're never gonna forget the Vespa rides, the 30ft Jesus, the concentration camp, peanuts in a coke a cola, lovebugs, deer burgers, hot air balloons, green chile, the accents, the neighborhoods, and mozzarella di bufala ever. 
But don't forget the army is gonna break your heart over and over, it's inevitable and unavoidable. It'll tell you to live in a hotel for 3 months and fill your suitcase and keep your phone close and loud. 

Sacrifice will be a constant. You'll crap yourself when you hear the word son, no matter what. Sure the Army is respectable and classy but it's not a stranger to the f word, and I'll never see anything wrong with that. The Army has a lot of storms. Big ones. Heavy ones. Long ones. You'd shudder at ceremonies because these communities will say your full name with conviction, they do their best to make every person count. 
The Army isn't goin to teach you how to not shatter when you hear the pledge, the national anthem, revelry and retreat, nor will you be able breathe at a funeral. But the army will let love and family enthrall you, it will actually astound you with your own capacity for love. There might not be anything you love more than the uniform because it's a familiar symbol of safety..it's home, it's shelter, and when you don't have a home.. a simple pair of combat boots can start to look like your home. 

People's stories will become your own because that's how it is, you're gonna hear troops talking and you won't ever forget their voice or their haircut (cause they're all the same). You'll be at a significant event, a run to remember, and before it begins you'll hear some troops whisper "are we going to sing the national anthem this time" and another will say "I can't today I won't be able to I'm gonna listen quietly for my brothers I need some silence for this one I need to remember for minute" -you'll think the army and his pals in heaven should be proud of him and you'll be grateful to be in his presence. Your heart will race when you see a flag and it'll jump up and down everytime your dad comes through the door home for work because you'll always remember that some of your friends weren't that lucky. You'll know people that others will not have the opportunity to know anymore they'll be gone but not gone.

The concept of home is bewildering to you, the Army will drill into your mind that home is where the Army sends you, and the Army is your hometown. It'll tell you that so many times that you'll be dumbfounded when someone asks your where you're from. It'll tick you off when you tell someone that you're an Army kid and so everywhere is your home, you'll wanna laugh in their face when they say "uh okay but where are you from." Like all due respect and all but please shut up. Be all you can be and ARMYSTRONG are going too mean too much to you and a buddy poppy is a bar of gold. Army is some of America's best you can count on that. You're gonna move, you'll feel the tug of 'don't go' while also feeling the weight of your responsibilities in your new place. At the gym you won't find guys sweating hard to look sick wakeboardin', you'll find folks sweating hard cause they goin' to war. The look on their face is different by nine million trillion percent. They're slinging weights so they can carry the weight of their brothers. "00:01:35 We're going to war. We're going to war" - if you know anything about the 173rd, there's not a day that'll ever go by that you won't think about that quote. Affeas, exchange, shoppette, DFAC, beer store, PCS, TDY, JFC, support site, BX, PX, and NEX those are all goin to be as familiar as your last name. Army's gonna make ya believe in somethin' whether that be your brother, battle buddy, your spouse, the Lord, your country or yourself. (usually it's a combination of all of that) You're gonna believe. My dad says that getting out of the army is pure hell, it is because it doesn't ever happen. Lifer means lifer. I know I'm heaping a ton of credit towards the Army when most of this is a result of Christlike parents, I can never recognize them enough. And a whole chunk of this I learned from people full of the most good kind of love. But go army anyways. Cheers to my sweet American dream. Hooah y'all, Godspeed til we meet again.